What if a man’s purpose is to learn how to pleasure a woman? To surrender to her seduction? To fully accept her love?
Is it a woman’s purpose to love a man enough to know how she wants to be loved, pleasured and sexed, and tells him, so that she can fully trust and surrender to his pleasuring, sex and love-making?
What is true love?
What is true sex?
Is it that that moment of bliss, euphoria? The elusive orgasm?
Or the ongoing desire, attraction and fulfilment of two people who want to connect their bodies, minds and spirits?
Is it riding the waves of pleasure, edging on that sweet spot of ecstasy?
Or that joyful feeling or seeing the pleasure of your lover?
And when you lose that spark, or that desire. How do you reignite it?
When you realize that your ‘sex switch’ is turned off, how do you turn it back on?
How to turn it back on
There are many ways. Here are some suggestions:
1. Talk to your partner and reminisce about when you first met. What attracted you to each other? Discuss why you got married. What did you feel to want to commit to a lifetime together. Why did you start living together or being monogamous?
2. Learn some tantric connection techniques, for example, eye gazing for three minutes. It works to connect strangers so why not someone you love? And practice them daily with your partner.
3. Have a tantric couples session to learn more ways to connect and pleasure each other*
4. Organize a Transformational Relationship Coaching session or program with Ally. These coaching sessions use NLP processes to release, emotions, clear blocks and reprogram your beliefs about yourself and your relationships.
5. Have a tantric massage* for yourself – to get back in touch with your body and your sexual energy, your masculine or feminine energy.
Love and pleasure are often indescribable and intangible. However, with Tantra, you can tune in to your body’s energy, get back in touch with your genitals, and learn new ways of loving yourself.
Checklists
Men, want to learn how to:
☐ overcome Premature Ejaculation and Erection Dysfunction
☐ pleasure a woman
☐ have multiple orgasms
☐ enhance your sexual performance
☐ last longer and keep control
☐ move your sexual energy?
Women, desire how to:
☐ Turn on your sexual energy
☐ Empower your feminine energy
☐ Connect with your partner deeper, more easily
☐ Unblock a chakra, or chakras
☐ Trust
☐ Let go and be open to love
☐ Pleasure your partner more?
If you ticked any boxes, why not book with Ally NOW!
I met Joani Blank at a Love Intimacy Sexuality Workshop in 2008, and stayed with her in her co-housing in Oakland. She inspired me to bring her to Sydney, Australia to run some sexuality workshops in 2009.
Joani Blank’s “Down There” Down Under Tour 2009
“Eve’s Secrets Revealed: all about Female Sexuality” (for men only) Mon 16 November
“How to Get what you want in Bed (or wherever else you do It)” Tues 17 November
“It’s not a Secret any More: all about Women’s Sexuality” (for women only) Wed 18 November
Sex over 50 or 60 or 70 Thursday 19 November
Joani also held private sessions 1-1 with locals.
Her wisdom, sense of humour and fun made these workshops inspiring and enjoyable as well as educational for the participants!
Joani’s Achievements
Joani Blank founded Good Vibrations, the first woman-centered sex toy shop in USA in 1977.
Joani Blank at Oakland Wharf in 2008
She also…
Founded “Down There Press” in 1975
Wrote and/or edited nine books.
Produced and directed two videos
Invented the Butterfly Vibrator and Titattoos (now Intimate Art Tattoos)
Trained and worked at the Sex Counseling Unit at The University of California, San Francisco (UCSF)
Was a volunteer counsellor at San Francisco Sex Information working at the switchboard every Friday evening for the first several years of its existence.
Taught sexuality courses in the Evening College at Skyline College in San Bruno, CA
Served on the Board of Directors of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS), publisher of the Journal of Sex Research.
Facilitated numerous sexuality workshops. She was always very interested in many aspects of sexuality: understanding eroticism, self-sexuality / masturbation, polyamory, and sexuality education for adults.
A Human Awareness Institute graduate and HAI Team Member.
Sex educator and advocate Joani Blank MA MPH, was the founder of Good Vibrations in San Francisco. She promoted sex-positivity for over 30 years. She was the author or editor of several sexual self-awareness books, including:
Femalia a beautiful book with thirty-two full-color photographs of women’s genitals reflect the diversity of women’s bodies. Therapists, sex educators, women’s health clinicians — and all women — will find this volume a welcome addition to their libraries. Photography by Michael Rosen, Jill Posener, Tee Corinne, Michael Perry, and Joani Blank. Unfortunately it is Out of Print.
Good Vibrations: The New Complete Guide to Vibrators;
Still Doing it (women and men over 60 write about their sexuality);
First Person Sexual;
I Am My Lover: Women Pleasure Themselves (photographs)
Down There Press started in 1975 with the publication of her Playbook for Women about Sex and for many years was a part of Open Enterprises/Good Vibrations. It was sold to another publisher in 2007. None of the books that Joani wrote or edited are being kept in print by the new publisher, not even the three that sold tens of thousands in their lifetimes.
In 1992, Joani converted Good Vibrations and Down There Press into a worker cooperative. At the time, there were fourteen owners (including Joani in my new status as an equal owner). The company continued as a cooperative growing to 100 worker-owners until early in 2006. At that time the current owners, more than 70 of them, voted to abandon the cooperative ownership structure in favor of a more conventional corporate structure so that Good Vibrations could attract an outside investor.
The Playbook for Women about Sex by Joani Blank
This is a sexual self awareness book for every woman. When you have filled out those sections which interest you, you can
hide the book
share it with a partner or friend
throw it away or
make it public.
You may enjoy going through the book again after a time to see if how you have changed.
Completing the exercises in this innovative playbook will help you become more aware of your attitudes, sexual history, body image, partner choices, what turns you on and communication patterns. by understanding your own feelings better, you’ll be better able to communicate with your partner and feel more comfortable with your own sexuality. Limited paperback copies are available. The PDF is approved for release by Ally Thomas. Authorised by Joani Blank 2009.
The Playbook for Men about Sex by Joani Blank
This is a sexual self awareness book for every man. When you have filled out those sections which interest you, you can
hide the book
share it with a partner or friend
throw it away or
make it public.
You may enjoy going through the book again after a time to see if how you have changed.
How come a woman wrote this book? Well, the Playbook for Women about Sex needed a companion piece and no man had written it yet. All the technical advisors, reviewers and editors of this book were men, and Joani was appreciative of their encouragement, support, and suggestions.
Limited paperback copies are available. The PDF is approved for release by Ally Thomas. Authorised by Joani Blank 2009.
A Kid’s First Book about Sex by Joani Blank
And
The Playbook for Kids about Sex by Joani Blank
‘Kid’s First Book about Sex’ and the ‘Playbook for Kids About Sex’ (for somewhat older children) were written many years ago when Joani Blank’s daughter, now an adult with kids of her own, was a little girl. Both books are out of print and because Joani wants them to be readily available, she has made both of them available for FREE download HERE
You are welcome to print out these books for your own use, but please do not make multiple print copies for sale.
Still doing it (women and men over 60 write about their sexuality) by Joani Blank
Can’t think about your parents or your grandparents having sex? What about when you reach that golden age? A recent survey conducted by Modern Maturity and AARP found that more than 25 percent of Americans over the age of 75 indulge in sexual activity at least weekly.
Sexual pioneer Joani Blank has her ear on the pillow of sexual America, and the secret is coming out about sexual pleasure over age 60! Pulling the covers off, Blank has collected anecdotal evidence supporting these dry if tantalizing statistics. Nearly 40 women and men over the age of 60 share their stories of their partnered and solo sex; their gay, straight and bisexual experiences redefine our images of what it means to age sexually.
Still doing it expands our vision of sexuality beyond youth, deepening our understanding of how we grow sexually. These intimate accounts give all of us permission to seek lifelong sexual pleasure that can continue and get better indefinitely, and with infinite variety.
Editor Joani Blank founded Good Vibrations, the San Francisco-based sex toy, book and video store in 1977. Described as ‘unabashedly evangelical” by Playboy, she has dedicated her life to helping women and men find sexual pleasure.
I Am My Lover by Joani Blank
Six respected photographers present intimate portraits of 12 women practicing humanity’s first love – and last taboo. Over 100 thought provoking duotone and black and white photographs capture a powerful range of aspect and emotion additionally, the women photographed share with us their thoughts, recollections, fantasies, and feelings about their self-pleasuring.
Limited number of hardcover copies are available HERE
First Person Sexual by Joani Blank
Everyone does it – and hardly anyone talks about it! More than 40 women and men describe their masturbation experiences in a series of vignettes and short stories.
These sexual progressives bare their souls, offering their tales of when and where they practice their solitary pleasure, what inspires them, and why and how they do it! They give new meaning to the term ‘digitize”, and reveal myriad new ways to pet the kitty or play in the one-man band. Read on, fuel your fantasies, and practice, practice, practice.
Pricing
Limited hard copies of some of Joani Blank’s books are available HERE. Joani authorised me to copy and PDF the Playbooks for sale in 2009.
Name of Book
Description
price
Playbook for Women About Sex – PDF
This is a sexual self awareness book for every woman. Invented and hand lettered by Joani Blank This PDF is approved for release by Ally Thomas. Authorised by Joani Blank 2009.
AU$19.00 PDF
The Playbook for Women about Sex – Hard Copy
A sexual self awareness book for every woman by Joani Blank A4 paperback book – limited copies available
AU$29.00
Playbook for Men About Sex – PDF
This is a sexual self awareness book for every man. This PDF is approved for release by Ally Thomas. Authorised by Joani Blank 2009.
AU$19.00 PDF
Playbook for Kids About Sex – PDF
For older children and teenagers words by Joani Blank pictures by Marcia Quackenbush This PDF is approved for release by Ally Thomas. Authorised by Joani Blank 2009.
FREE
A Kids first book about sex – PDF
For younger children by Joani Blank This PDF is approved for release by Ally Thomas. Authorised by Joani Blank 2009.
FREE
I am My Lover – soft cover book
Women Pleasure Themselves edited by Joani Blank Lambda Literary Award Finalist 1998 limited copies available
$55.00
First Person Sexual – paperback book
Women and Men Write about Self-Pleasuring Joani Blank; editor Small Press Book Award Winner 1997
He told me he was horny
and loves to pleasure women
hear the sounds of love
linked in a group of men.
Exploring the couples swingers club
reviewing potential matches
late one December night
we fantasised which one was right.
Then downstairs to get naked
join gods and goddesses in the spa
we chatted and teased each other
and 6 got out to explore “aaaah!”
We watched her give him head
suspended on a special swing
but hands and tongues were wandering
turned on by that sexy thing…
The bed was raised inside 3 walls
the walls had big wide slits
Voyeurs could watch us writhing and moaning
invisible, excited and thrilled to bits!
“We don’t need those men”
she whispered in my ear
so we kissed and thrilled each other
turning each other on–“ooh, ooh, ooh, my dear!”
Back to the tub to refresh
bodies to relax and wash
start stroking again, caught kisses
exploring fingers and tongues–“my gosh!”
We went to the room at the end
with mattresses covering the floor
a group was joined by others
and an orgy of 10 was explored.
Couples joined in 3s and 4s
all exploring mouths, pusses and cocks
teasing and licking and fucking
sharing pleasure without keys and locks.
And finally the swingers night was over
our passions and energy spent
we wondered where the night went
and recalled each exciting event…
Voyeurs and exhibitionists were stimulated
in all senses and many ways teased
we both had fun with each other
and ended up satisfied and well pleased!!
Ask your partner to breath out and make a sound – a moan or aaah….
Breathe with them and harmonise your breathing. One person may be slower or faster than the other at the beginning.
Do this for about 2 minutes
When you harmonise you can hear it
Swap over and your partner follows your breathing
2. Eye Gazing to connect
Sit together, facing each other, without talking and look in each others eyes for about 5 minutes
Feel the love in your heart for your lover
Breathe together, decide who will follow and who will lead
3. Physically turn yourself on
As you breathe in, do your Kegels (squeeze your Pelvic Floor or PC muscles)
Release as you breathe out
Do this for about 5 minutes separately, then do it together
To get your energy and juices flowing
4. Leather and Lace circle – to stimulate
Breathe together, sitting holding hands, eyes open or closed
HE gives his “leather” (male energy) – breathing up from his genitals to her heart down to her genitals across to yours
SHE gives her “lace” – (female energy) – from your heart to his heart and down to his genitals, across to her genitals and up to her heart.
This is good to do in yab yum – sitting with legs out or bent and genitals touching
rocking back and forwards – very stimulating and a great way to start making love
5. Control your energy
Continue conscious breathing together
When lingam* is inside yoni**, keep the energy flowing in a circle…
yab yum couple
* lingam = penis ** yoni = vagina
Stop when necessary to keep control, or change position.
Enjoy!
For more ideas on how to use Tantra and simple practical Tantric techniques to enhance your sex life, see my book “What Men and Women Really Want – 6 Tantric Love Secrets” available now in paperback. Order here.
What does a Tantric Sex Coach do? First of all, what is Tantra? What is Tantric Sex? Why do you need a Coach?
Everyone loves sex, but how do we learn about it? if you are lucky you learn from an older partner, or a more experienced lover. Most people learn from their peers, as teenagers, using the “trial and error” method.
Some people want to improve their sex life. Many men want to learn control so they can last longer and pleasure their lover longer.
A lot of women don’t know how to “turn themselves on” sexually – how to tune in to their feminine sexual energy or how to really enjoy making love with their partner.
Tantra
Tantra comes from ancient India. Taoist teachings from ancient China are similar to Tantra. The word Tantra means to expand and weave. That’s what you learn to do – expand your sexual energy and weave it around your body and between you and your partner.
Tantric Sex
Tantric Sex is that close connection you have that can lead to out-of-body ecstatic orgasmic sex and pleasure that seems to last for ever. It can take you to other places, other spaces, and an expanded sense of beingness. Many people have tried to explain it, but the experience is beyond words, beyond description. You know that you have been “out there” or “in there” or “away somewhere” because you feel yourself “coming back”!
How do you create that connection? How can you do that, step by step, whenever you want? Tantric techniques are the answer. Breathing, moving, and consciously being present with your self and your partner, are some of the keys.
Tantric Sex Coach
A Tantric Sex Coach guides and teaches you (and your partner) Tantric exercises so that you can get to those heights. Men can learn to control their orgasm and ejaculation so they can have multiple orgasms. Women can learn how to get in touch with their sexual energy and enhance it to relax and enjoy more pleasure making love.
Coaching in intimacy and sexuality is more than teaching you how to have mind-blowing sex! It’s more about Sex Ed – education about your sex organs, how your sexual energy works, and about what YOU like best. It’s about loving yourself, self pleasuring, learning new strokes for your partner, and much more…
It’s breathing together to create closer intimacy and connection. Tantra can be very healing on many levels.
So what are you waiting for? Book your session with Ally, Tantric Sex Coach, today to enhance your sex life, ignite your passion and have more joy and blissful pleasure.
A Sexy Spiritual Medium’s Tale – Seduce me on the Seashore
She glided along the beach, sifting sand through her toes. Her spiritual guides told her to go there today – to meet someone special “I wish it’s a gorgeous spiritual man,” she mused, feet on the ground, head in the clouds as usual.
Something made her stop dreaming and look in the water. Coming towards her was the most gorgeous male body she had ever seen. She looked into his eyes and immediately drowned in their spiritual depths. She swayed and he caught her, lifting her easily out of the water and carrying her up the beach.
“Are you OK?” a deep sexy male voice gently whispered in her ear.
“Any better and I’d be in heaven!” she breathed, “you are an angel and I’ve fallen in love with you”
He laughed and immediately she was so turned on she wanted to make love to him there and then. He gently put her down on the soft mattress of a day bed, which was sheltered on all sides by crisp white cotton curtains and roof. Then he came in and lay next to her.
“I’d like to seduce you” she said.
He laughed again “I’m usually the one who is the seducer,” he purred, “but I will make an exception for you, because you are so beautiful. And you asked first!”
So she took off his swimming costume and then her sarong, and sat on his tummy. She kissed him and stroked him all over, exploring his beautiful body with her hands. She stroked her breasts all over him, slithering her body all over his, until it got stuck on one hard place. So she licked it and kissed it and played with it with her fingers and hand and stroked it firmly, teasing him right to the edge. Then she turned around so that he could lick her yoni at the same time as she sucked his lingam. His erection was magnificent – big enough for her hands to circle it and her mouth to caress it.
Finally they were both panting so loudly and getting so excited they he lifted her up again and turned her around to be impaled on his hot pulsing member. She revelled in his strength, enjoyed his masculine hardness and rode him wildly hard and fast. He slowed her down by playing with her breasts, very gently and lovingly, then turned up the volume by rolling her nipples – which made her climax again and again…
She lost count of her orgasms as they spent the whole afternoon making love.
Finally thirst and hunger made them take a break. She realised that she didn’t know his name. So, rather awkwardly, she said “Hi, I’m Klittera”
He laughed and said “I’m Eros, I’m glad you asked to seduce me. I rarely get to surrender to pleasure like yours!”
Both men and women tell me they haven’t had sex or made love with their spouse for 6 moths, 12 months, 2 years, 5 years…
It is so sad that people who love each other and have a wonderful sex life and then something happens and it’s gone. Something kills the desire and after awhile you could feel that you don’t “need” sex or love making.
How did you reconnect and reignite that desire for your lover?
Go back to the beginning of relationship and talk about it. What attracted you to your partner when you first met them? Tell them. And ask them what first attracted them to you? Talk about your first date, your first kiss, your first lovemaking. What was special?
Why you still together?
Rekindle that spark of love that grew into a fire and kept burning for so many years. If your children are grown up and left you need to rediscover your partner.
Everyone goes through changes. In teenagers, testosterone and progesterone hormones are strong stimulants, however as we mature they change many peoples’ desires. And in some couples one person, usually the man, maintains a strong need for release from sexual tension.
Women’s desires often decrease after childbirth and child care because they put so much time into mothering and nurturing.
So how to rekindle the passion and connect with your lover?
Plan a date night, flirt with each other by text or phone or love notes (under her pillow, in his pocket). Give surprise gifts for no occasion.
Plan a “dirty weekend” away. Ask her what would she need to happen to make love? Ask him to give you a gentle massage. Tell him how you really like to be touched, kissed, licked and stroked. Tell her and show her how you like to be stroked on your lingam – fast or slow, gentle or firm, the special sensitive spots…
Have some lessons in cunnilingus or Tantra or massage together.
Role play or dress up in a costume for your lover. Imagine you are Casanova or Marilyn Munro; Cleopatra and Antony; or porn stars – John Holmes, Debbie Does Dallas! What do you imagine they would say or do to their beloved? Talk about it with your lover. Ask if they want to do it. Ask if it turns them on more to talk about it, look at it, plan it, or to do it?!
Give your genitals names. Then they can have a discussion. Using this analogy of a different identity can help you express things that you wouldn’t normally say. Ask her what she wants. Ask him what are you would like to do. The answers often surprise you!
When you reconnect and reawaken that desire for your beloved – you do it deliberately. And when you do you say to each other “I’d forgotten how good it was to have sex and make love!”
A lot of men worry about size. “Am I big enough?” And they think that woman want a larger size. My answer is always “Its not how big you are, its what you do with it that counts!”
Go into an adult shop. Most of the dildos and vibrators for women are average size. That’s what women want.
Think of cucumbers, fingers, bananas and other similar shaped phallic objects. Big does not mean better!
In fact, years ago I had a male friend who had a very large lingam. He told me that many women were frightened when they saw it. He was a very good lover. He took quite lot of time and effort to ensure that his lover was very relaxed before he could make love with her.
And there was another lover that thought he was too small, but his tongue more than made up for it!!!
So men, when you wish it was bigger, because you are worried about your performance, just learn how to satisfy a woman with your whole body (tongue, fingers, hands) – touching, teasing, stroking and pleasuring her all over and asking her permission (Are you ready for me?”) before you enter her.
Learn some Tantric techniques from my book “What Men and Women Really Want” about using your sexual energy to impress her and satisfy her more. Order HERE
And it’s often the size of your heart that impresses her more!!
Alan Pease said “Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love”Or is it the other way around? What do women really want?
Many men tell me they would like to “understand” women, how to please them, pleasure them and “make” them orgasm and enjoy sex.
Women often just need to feel loved – in many different ways – by words (I love you), touch and stroking, gifts (chocolate, jewellery, flowers, being pampered), quality time (going out to dinner or a show) or being of service (good surprises or doing special unexpected things that they like).
Women show their love to a man by preparing good food, doing housework, creating beauty and harmony.
Honesty and trust are important to both sides of a relationship, to enhance your love. Forgiveness is an important aspect of a loving relationship.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that flowers give when they are crushed
It’s all about loving her like a goddess
Jaded by men who had deceived me, one day I met a sexy Scorpio woman at a spiritual meditation group in Sydney. She invited me to see ‘The Vagina Monologues’ with her and afterwards she invited me to her place ‘for coffee’. We enjoyed a nine-month relationship together, during which I learned many things about a woman’s changeable mood and shifting feelings, both physical and mental. I learned, explored and discovered many different ways of pleasuring a woman, such as gently scratching her back, nibbling her neck and treating her like a goddess.
Women love to be romanced, handled as gently as the petals on the roses you give them. She loves to be honoured as a goddess – some examples are gifts, dinner, dancing, asking permission, stroking gently with feathers as well as wild passionate sex!
What drives her crazy with desire one night may be ineffective the next night, so you need to learn lots of different ways to please her! If all else fails, just ASK her what she wants! It’s SO much easier than trying to guess.
Learning about and loving her anatomy
Yonis are like precious flowers. They need to be handled gently as they can be as fragile as the woman who owns them. They are beautiful and need to be adored. They are powerful and need to be respected. They are unique and need to be desired.
yoni flowers My Tantra Massage
Too often we make love in the dark and don’t look at each other’s genitals. It’s a wonderful experience to explore another person’s body with soft lighting and look at their genitals with respect, wonder and awe. What an amazing creation!
What is making love? It’s what a woman does when a man is bonking her… Allan Pease
The Ultimate Pleasure
What do women want? They want to be teased; to be breathed; to be respected in this present moment of now; to be touched, stroked, tickled, held and made love to, sometimes slowly and gently, sometimes hard and fast; and to have connection, rapport and intimacy. They want to feel safe to be vulnerable.
What do women really want? Amore, more love, that sweet euphoria, the indefinable feeling of union with her lover, her mate, her soul and the divine. To be cherished and cared for, protected, pampered and loved – physically, mentally and spiritually, body, mind and soul – totally.
LOVE
What does your lover want? Do you really know? If you do know exactly how to pleasure her, is there more you can learn? Does she even know all the ways she likes to be pleasured?
Do you still want to make love no matter how long you’ve known each other? Do you want to try something different? If you want to deepen your relationship or re-ignite the spark, Tantra is a wonderful way to do it!
This was taken from my ebook “What Women Really Want”
My book “What Women Really Want” is now available from Amazon HERE
Contact Ally for more information about Tantra
What do women want?
Your soul is so close to mine – that what you dream, I know – I know everything you think of – your heart is so close to mine. Rumi
